Fans of vintage Saturday Night Live will remember Will Farrell and Chris Kattan as the “Roxbury Guys” in the 1990s. Dressed in bright, shiny suits and ready for a night on the town, Farrell and Kattan bob their heads in unison to the song “What is Love” by Haddaway, as they are bounced from one nightclub after another. That image and song always infect my mind whenever the definition of love is debated by theologians. (And now it’s probably in your mind, too. You’re welcome.)
Nonetheless, “What is love?” is an incredibly important question if we are to understand the Sermon on the Mount, or many other parts of the New Testament. For example, “God is love” (1 John 4:8), it is one of the most quoted sentences from the New Testament. There is, however, a great gap between what the Apostle John meant when he wrote it and how we often hear it. The word “love” carries a lot of cultural baggage. Modern, Western people hear “love” and conjure up ideas of romantic infatuation, gooey feelings, saccharine sentimentality, or maybe even lustful conquest like the Roxbury guys. What these understandings of love share in common, however, is a foundation of emotion. For most people, love is defined as a feeling.
Therefore, when we read Jesus’ command in the Sermon on the Mount to “love your enemy,” it becomes almost impossible to comprehend, let alone obey. Enemies do not naturally provoke feelings of infatuation or sentimentality. To grasp Jesus’ command, we must first elevate our definition of love.
The sort of love Christ calls us to is not rooted in our emotions—but in our wills. Thomas Aquinas, the great theologian of the Middle Ages, said: “To love is to will the good of another.” Apart from any feelings, which few of us can fully control, real love means to act in a manner that benefits the other person even if they resist the action. C.S. Lewis, in The Four Loves, expanded on Aquinas’ definition this way. “Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person’s ultimate good as far as it can be obtained.”
This Christian definition of love may be easiest to illustrate with the parent-child relationship. A loving parent may not always feel emotional affection for the child—especially when sleep-deprived —but this does not prevent them from acting in the child’s interest. Likewise, a parent’s loving act may not always be experienced warmly by the child, who may have a tantrum when told it’s time for bed or to eat their vegetables. Yet, enforcing sleep and a healthy diet is a parental act of love regardless of how the child perceives it in the moment.
In each of these examples, love is not rooted in emotion but in action. It is not animated by feelings but by intention. As a result, this Christian definition of love may take forms that differ greatly from our culture’s expectation of positive sentimentality. As Dostoevsky said in The Brothers Karamazov, “Love in action is a harsh and dreadful thing compared to love in dreams.”
Therefore, to love our enemy, as Jesus says in his sermon, means actively seeking what is in our enemy’s best interest, even if he does not agree, which may explain why he is our enemy in the first place. Ultimately, this call to love our enemy is no different than the many other commands of Scripture. Jesus always insists that the citizens of his kingdom put the interests of others ahead of their own, even if the other person is our enemy.
Daily Scripture
Matthew 5:43–48
1 John 4:7-12
Weekly Prayer
From John of the Cross (1542 - 1591)
I no longer want just to hear about you, beloved Lord, through messengers. I no longer want to hear doctrines about you, nor to have my emotions stirred by people speaking of you. I yearn for your presence. These messengers simply frustrate and grieve me, because they remind me of how distant I am from you. They reopen wounds in my heart, and they seem to delay your coming to me. From this day onwards please send me no more messengers, no more doctrines, because they cannot satisfy my overwhelming desire for you. I want to give myself completely to you. And I want you to give yourself completely to me. The love which you show in glimpses, reveal to me fully. The love which you convey through messengers, speak it to me directly. I sometimes think you are mocking me by hiding yourself from me. Come to me with the priceless jewel of your love.
Amen.
